Sunday, June 21, 2009

Perfectly Imperfect

The day is almost over, but Happy Father's Day to all the daddies and to those who play a father figure in someone's life! I had an exceptionally LONG day that included my car dying, a ride in a stinky cab, a very talkative tow truck driver, and broiling in the sun.

However, I did get the chance to realize yet again how very blessed I am to have the parents that I do. They immediately took care of everything, loaned me my mom's car to drive [it was actually my first car, my graduation present when I graduated high school, but they bought me a new one in 2003 and my mom has been driving my old one ever since. In 3 years she's put 1000 miles on it. She doesn't drive much. lol], and told me not to worry about anything. I know what's coming soon. The inevitable call. "Mija, your daddy says he wants to trade in your little car..." I don't want them to buy me a new car.

Am I spoiled? I think I am taken care of, but I wouldn't call it spoiled. I have basically put my life on hold for them. Those who knew me well last year knew the craziness my mother put me through, and those who know me well now know that I start most of my days with my mother calling me to talk about whatever is on her mind, such as, "Do you want to be buried next to your sister?" LOL My parents are the most important people in the world to me. As they get older, the knowledge that I will not have them much longer terrifies me because I won't know what to do with myself. It's not that I won't be able to take care of myself, but I won't know what to do when I don't have them to take care of any longer. They are the reason I try to eat better, lose weight, exercise, stay strong. I am their rock. To them I am never upset, always calm, always polite. The perfect lady, with intelligence and poise and strength.

I know what you're probably thinking at this point. "What the hell does this have to do with Second Life?" Quite a bit, actually. It is in SL that I can let go. I didn't for a long time. But lately... I'm able to just let go. I can go in there and just BE upset. I can vent and scream and cry. I can allow myself to be taken care of. It's hard for me, because I don't know exactly how to let someone emotionally take care of me. But I'm learning. I'm perfectly imperfect and I'm starting to think that's ok. And it has done more for my mental well-being than any therapist I have ever been to.

Where else but in SL can I log in after a terrible day, vent about it, and then receive the teleport with the message "Come dance in the daisies?"

Daisy Dance


I thank my SL friends a lot in here, but it is sincere each time. My parents taught me how to be strong. My SL friends remind me that it's ok to be taken care of, to be imperfect. And for that, I have absolute gratitude.

3 comments:

Renee & Kello said...

aw hun crappy days suck big time. I'm glad you have good parents. I am also glad that SL has helped ya :) If ya ever need to talk, trust me anyone in RL or SL will tell you I am a professional at listening, lending my shoulder for those who need to cry, give advice when asked etc
<3

Anonymous said...

Oh Ali...I want everything good there is out there for you.

I know you by heart and well..I just adore you. I am so glad you get dances in the daisies.

love you,
soph

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