I got a new skin tonight. If that doesn't seem like a huge deal, well, you're right. For most people it's not a huge deal at all. Most of my friends buy skins like there's nothing to it. My best friend is an admitted Skinaholic. They change skins and shapes easily and without thinking about it.
Me? Not so much.
In my physical world, it's hard for me to get my hair cut. I will agonize about it for weeks, months, beforehand. I will let it get too long. I will scour magazines for hairstyles that I think are cute. I will drive past salons and think about going in. And then one day I will bite the bullet, RUN in somewhere, and let someone take hold of my hair. And then I will cry.
The same is kind of true for me and skins in Second Life. I will think about it. I will look at blogs, at my friends. I will grab hundreds of demos. [Once I boxed up all my demos that I'd collected in a 2 month period. It was over 3000. I wish I was lying.] I will try them on over and over and over. I will beat myself up because my avatar simply doesn't handle most skins very well in the face. And then, if I'm feeling brave, I will run out, grab a skin, and race home. And then I will feel buyers remorse because suddenly, my look has changed.
I don't know why I have a problem changing. It's not like I am any different. It's still just me, in a new skin.
I've been wearing my Kimberly skins from Free Speerit since they came out. I love them. They've been me since I started wearing them. But in the past few months, the trend in skins has been changing to these younger looking, super full pucker mouth skins. [Yes, Gala Phoenix, I'm looking at you.] And that's cool and all, but with my shape, the skins simply haven't been working. And believe me, I've demoed them a LOT. It started to get to the point of me hating when my friends would start dancing about a new skin release. I wanted to look younger, like them, but it just wasn't happening.
I was becoming more and more upset with my look, but I couldn't change. The most important thing for me is to still LOOK like me. Just...a better me.
Over the past couple of weeks, I've been grabbing demos from pretty much any store I come across. Tonight I stood on my posestand and started going through them. And Noel, bless him, he sat right there with me and gave opinions and watched as I put on probably eleventy-billion skins. As we narrowed it down, I kept asking him questions. Did I still look like me? Did I look like a model? Did I look like someone who you would believe when I suggest fashion to you? Do I look like an emptyheaded stripper or do I look smart? Finally we got it down to one skin. And I wore the demo for about an hour, trying on different clothes with it. [Are you as exhausted as I am at this point?]
While he took a brief break, I ran out to the store, gagged a little at the price [$1490L for one skin?! Are you freaking kidding me???], bit the bullet, and bought it.
Blondie, makeup 2, from Laqroki.
That photo is completely untouched, btw, besides cropping it.
I don't know. Is it still me? As soon as I got back home, I had buyers remorse. I started thinking about how I should be saving money for tier, or how many other things I could buy. I started thinking that I didn't look like me anymore. I started thinking that I looked silly, airheaded, like I should be twirling my hair and talking about how I love unicorns and kittens.
But I do kind of like it. It's not perfect. There are a couple of things I'd change, if I could. But it does make me look a little younger, a little more fresh. And I guess that's really what I was going for.
Maybe one day I'll be as carefree with skins as my friends are. Maybe I won't cringe and beat myself up everytime I put on a different skin. Maybe I'll learn to just buy skins because they really are pretty and I won't be so hypercritical.