I am blessed to have some wonderful girl friends in Second Life. They are charming, intelligent, funny, talented women. They're good listeners, they can talk your ear off about almost any subject, and they can make you laugh until you cry. And yes, they have some of the most gorgeous avatars on the grid. They have all spent a great deal of time in making themselves look wonderful. They are not vain about it, at least not that I have been able to notice, but their avatars are as beautiful on the outside as they are on the inside. But one thing keeps coming up in my conversations with them.
Men do not notice them.
Back when I was single, this was something that I always wondered about. Why was it that men passed me over to go with some 8 foot glamazon bimbo who couldn't type to save her life? I was told that I was a bit intimidating in a way, because at the time I was blogging full force and I had a store and I looked good. I didn't get it, but I accepted the answer. I just didn't understand why a man would want to go with someone that he couldn't hold a conversation with in a world where conversation is a huge part of our daily life. Until I found a man who was interested in talking to me and who actually wanted to DATE me in Second Life, I really thought most men in SL were kind of jerks. I don't think a lot of guys would be willing to put in a month of dating before any kind of poseball action. [Some girls may not either, but that's not what we're talking about at the moment.]
I see my girl friends going through the same thing I went through back then. Guys are passing over these beautiful women and running to women who look like this.
[Thank you, Cen, for the picture. LOL]
We actually had a discussion about this topic a couple of weeks ago in the group after this came up:
"Is it just me though or are the big-haired, big-boobed, clicky-boots crowd the ones having to turn guys away? seems like the better put together you are, the less popular."
We all pretty much agreed that it seems to be true, at least as far as we can see. So we asked the guys that we know. Most of them right away said that they don't go for the bimbo dumb girls, and considering the women that they are with and that I have seen them hang around, I know this is true. The common theory is that most men who come to Second Life come for the virtual sex, and the women who run around with their butts hanging out of their shorts, blinging, and using gestures in place of conversation are looked at as being easy. They're the ones who look like you won't have to do too much work to get them on that poseball. And, as one of the guys mentioned, after it's over you can not IM them for 2 weeks and the moment you do, they're still right there. They're not taken seriously.
But a well put together woman is different. They're the ones you have to actually talk to. They're the ones who don't NEED a man and so if they choose you, you're very lucky. They're the ones who really might not hop into bed with you an hour after talking, they might actually want to explore or do something. They are, in short, a little more work.
I think of it like this: You can go to Freebie Island and pick up a pair of jeans. They might have bad seams, look smeared in the inner thigh, and are a bad texture, but they are pants and serve their purpose. However, if you look around, you'll find a gorgeous pair of jeans that sit just right, have great prim cuffs, and make your butt look unbelievably cute. But they cost more to get than the freebie pair. The quality, though, is unmistakable. So you throw out those old freebie jeans, and you appreciate your new quality item that you had to actually work a little to get.
It also came up that men may actually like the trashier looking women because they can't get a woman like that in their real lives. Kind of like going to a strip club and coming home with the stripper. It doesn't happen that often in RL, perhaps, but in SL it could happen every night.
The one thing that was said that I thought was good was that a man who is confident and has a good self esteem would want a woman who is put together and has class because she would be a compliment to him. After all, if you're a man and you take pride in your appearance and you have made something of yourself, why would you choose someone who is consistently doing the baby giggle, using textspeak all the time, bling blanging away, and you can't even talk to? You would want to go for someone who is intelligent and worth something, right?
And does it go the other way? Are women picking these steroid-looking, gorilla men who can't go out without blang and guns or have a conversation without 20 gestures over the sweet, smart, decent men for a reason? Because hey, I do know some great guys in SL that need dates, too.
This is in no way meant to offend anyone. Some people enjoy an extreme "sexy" look in SL and some do not. Some are there for only sex and some are not. But guys, if you want to meet some wonderful, smart, funny women in SL, look over at my blogroll. Most of my girl friends are there, and they are amazing.
No bashing allowed, but I'd love to see other opinions on this topic.