Thursday, November 26, 2009

Episode 1064: The One Where She Gets Mushy

Um. I just realized I passed the 1000 post mark a while back. Damn, I was going to actually do a big post for that. *sighs*

Happy Thanksgiving to those of you in the US, and everywhere else too because giving thanks is definitely something all of us should do every morning we wake up. :) No, not in a religious way if that's not the way you swing, but just in a "Yes! I get to be alive and kicking one more day!!"

I woke up pretty early today to cook because I'm heading over to my parents' house for lunch, and although they have the "main" portion of our meal over there, I wanted to bring a couple of things too. While I was smashing sweet potatoes, I was thinking about how different my life has been over the past couple of years. [It's my rezday, although I don't actively celebrate it.]

A couple of years ago, I was a mess. If you're close to me, you know the story already, and if you're don't...well, you probably don't really need to. lol But I was a huge mess. A lot of it had to do with just never getting over my oldest sister's death back in 1999. I probably should have had counseling back then, but I'd chosen to just drug myself up and go about my business. But the problem was, I wasn't really going about MY business. I was trying to be everything that everyone wanted me to be and when I started to realize that I couldn't do it, I started to crack. Drugs weren't enough anymore. I was numb and I was scared and I thank God that I had someone who picked me up off the floor. I certainly couldn't have done it myself at that moment.

In the past 2 years, I have changed, and grown, and I am more myself now than I have been since before 1999. I honestly LIKE who I am for the first time in probably 12 years. And in liking who I am, I find that I have more to give to people now. But the funny thing? The people I surround myself now don't expect me to give them anything. When I find myself slipping back into the "What can I do for you today?" type thing with my friends, their answer is always "Nothing. We just want you." And that is something that I am exceptionally grateful for, and I give thanks every single day for it. If my old friends were like that too, it is my fault for never seeing it, and I will admit that.

So what am I grateful for this Thanksgiving? Almost too many things to mention, so we'll just go with the [mostly] SL things. I'm grateful for the wonderful people of the Ch'Know group, both past and present members. What started out as just a way for me to change my tag blossomed into some of the most amazing friendships I could have ever asked for. I'm grateful for my Sophia. Yes, she is loud, and she is bossy, and she is one of the strongest personalities I've ever known. But someone like me needs someone like her, and I'm grateful each and every day that I have her in my life. I'm grateful for the people that took me in when I was first starting out here, even if I don't see or talk to them much [or at all] anymore. Cen, Sam, Rick, the whole Viper Pit family. They taught me what it meant to just have fun again, to let my guard down and just be me, because that's all they ever asked of me. I'm grateful for the readers of this blog. You all have warmed my heart so many times with comments, IMs, or notecards telling me this or that. You all have pushed me to become a better blogger, a stronger writer, and a more active participant of Second Life. Even when I think that I'm finished, that I have nothing more to say, someone reminds me that I'm not done.

I've cried about 4 times now while writing this. I am such a sap!! LOL!

Have a wonderful holiday if you celebrate it, or just a wonderful Thursday if you don't. I'll be back later tonight so you all can tease me about crying during a blogpost. :)


SophHarlow said...

You know how I feel about are my sister by heart. I adore you. Your sister never left you sweetheart, she is always in your heart.

Alright...I may be loud, bossy and have a strong personality but it is only to cover what a delicate and fragile flower I am. LMAO!

I am simply wild about you and am so thankful to have you in my life. Thank you for putting up with me.

Happy Thanksgiving and thank FUCK this month is about over...


NeNe said...

It's ok to cry. I cry sometimes for things like blogs, stories, shows etc lol
I'm glad that things are doing better! Your sister will always be with you & proud of you.
Sophia Rawks!
I'm thankful to have met you & have you as a friend. <3

Krissy Muggleston said...

I feel for you and I kind of know your journey. When my first hubby died in 1997 (at the age of 27) the world wide web was still a baby, and there certainly weren't any online communities, forums or websites offering support and knowledge. I actually went to the library to check out books about leukemia! Almost sounds archaic now. I've been reading your blog for about two years, and I can see by the content of your posts that you have become much more centered and that's definitely a good thing... :) Hugs.