Monday, November 16, 2009

I get bugged

So, there are two things that have been bugging me lately in SL. Not huge bugs, but little bugs.

I'm probably the queen of "Don't want to bother anyone." SL or RL, I don't want to bother anyone even if I'm sick, if I'm upset, if I need help, etc. I won't IM anyone or call them. But more and more I'm hearing people spending almost all their SL nights alone, no one to talk to, because they're like me. We are not talking to each other because we all think we're all busy! When did THIS happen?

I'll admit that sometimes I am busy. Sometimes I am doing photos, or I'm writing, or I'm....ahem...farming. :-p But I am almost never too busy to IM. I'm not the best conversationalist, but if you talk to me, I will usually talk back.

It makes me wonder how many people on my friends list are sitting there wondering if it's ok to IM me to just chat, and not just to ask me a question, which is what most of my IMs are. Unless it's Sophia, who is almost always in my IM box while we just talk about random stuff. She's almost the only person I do this with. Maybe my new challenge will be to just IM random people on my list to say hi.

Now, the second thing that really bugs me is something we seem to go through every year. What's with the pretty avatar hate?! I have friends of different shapes and sizes, although they're all pretty proportionate by choice. But when I read comments, such as the ones in this New World Notes post about how people just flat out won't talk to the "Barbie" style avatars...well, doesn't that make them just as much of a bitch as they perceive the pretty avatars to be? I'm more about proportion than I am looks. If you want to have your boobs to 100 and your hips to 10, uh, yeah...I might think that you need some help. But I wouldn't just NOT talk to someone because of their shape. I have a pretty avatar. I have worked hard to make my avatar into something I find pretty. Does it mean that someone might not talk to me because I'm slim and blonde? What kind of crap is that? In the physical world, I'm overweight and brunette. I am the girl who is overlooked at clubs, who has eaten lunch alone, who doesn't instantly attract people. But according to some of what I hear...in SL because I'm pretty, I'll be the girl who is passed over in clubs, who sits alone on her wall, who doesn't get the attention. But someone who looks different, in a bigger avatar, or a over-sexualized one, who is more of an "individual," [I freaking hate that. We're all different.] will get all the congratulations for not being a "Barbie."

If you won't talk to someone just based on them being what YOU term "Barbie," then you're just as horrible as you think the "model" type avatars are. Because guess what? We're all just people sitting at computers, usually in our pajamas or sweatpants, snorting with laughter over something stupid someone said. If there's anything I've learned in the past few months, it's that. :)

Speaking of pajamas, I just bought new stuff at Bath & Body Works today, so I think I'm going to take a shower and get into my PJs so I can go back to snorting at silly things in SL.

Ali's Thanks of the Day: I'm thankful for beauty in SL, but also for the incredibly silly people who are just like me - nerding out in front of the computer in our pajamas. ;)

13 comments:

Bella Baroque said...

amen sistah! i was once a pretty blonde in rl that complained about her "weight issues". now i look like a soccer mom who would kill puppies to look how i used to, and i'm only 28. if i want to make my av pretty, who cares? though i'm 5'9" in rl and my av has been mistaken for a child av, haha. but there is nothing wrong with molding your av into what you find pleasing to look at. hell WE are the ones who have to look at it all the time.
and i also do that IM thing too!!! or lack of IMing i should say. oy, i never thought about the possibility that others were the same way. i IM my bestie no matter what, and my blog partners on occassion, but for the most part, i think my friends are busy creating or something. lets stop the silence and all risk annoying each other! who knows, could end in a fun night :D

Shattered said...

Heck, my av isn't even quite human. Depending on where I visit, I know it makes some people uncomfortable, which is a shame because I do try to make my av look cute and dress her well regardless. A world where we can be anything we want, and we all still bring our stereotypes and baggage to the table.

*is very much sitting here in her pjs right now*

Anonymous said...

I just don't get why you can't understand the 'hate' for pretty, perfect avatars'. You said you 're overweight in RL, so think if one day, you are RL sitting and eating alone and all of a sudden a super perfect hot model approaches you and makes fun of the way you look, skin, shape and clothes included, and then she takes a picture of you and uploads it on a public website so that more and more perfect people can laugh at how ridiculously fugly you look in RL and how stupid you can be for not even attempting a diet. What would you think of her? Is this fucken mean stupid girl someone you would talk to and consider your friend? Would you thank her for her advice? Or would you just hate her and tell her to fuck off?
So I think it's weird you can't explain yourself the problem. Because you can find the answer inside yourself.
And no, I 've never been on Whatthefug, even though I wouldnt mind being there if it's just for a laugh :)
I am just someone that likes people because of who they are, not because of their looks, even if i am perfectly fit and good looking in RL...

Chestnut Rau said...

Alicia I think there is some irony in you being upset about others being critical of people's appearance choices in the context of your blog WhatTheFug. I do appreciate the helpful tutorials you all post over there a great deal. In particular your tutorial on matching skin tone on prim feet was great.

At the same time I think calling people out in public for making choices that don't meet the standards of beauty you and the authors set can make people feel exactly as you do when people disrespect Barbie avatars. It sort of sucks for the person being mocked.

We all want to be free to make appearance choices without feeling like others are going to be blogging in a negative way about what we do. It really is that simple.

Anonymous said...

I've been in SL over two years now and I find that as each day passes, SL is becoming more and more like RL. I find that disappointing because I missed the magic, the creativity and the fantasy.

Talismere said...

Hehe if you want magic, creativity and fantasy, join a Roleplay SIM, there are manies and good roleplayers distinguishes themselves from others, from the character they play, as well from the looks, since a realm full of stereotype avatars would just bore the heck out of the players ;) (To Anonymous)

I think each one should look exactly what he/she wants to look like. Man with Bookshelf sized Shoulder/Muscles are fugly and I would not approach them for a little flirtings, but hey, it's THEIR SL and if they like it...good :) I'd still say hi :)

Makeing fun of others because of their looks is just a No-no, in SL as well as in RL, it's impolite and rude toward the person involved.

And what I wanted to point out is that I don't want to have 100 friends whom I never or hardly talk to, or who never or hardly talk to me too, for whatever reason. So every 2-3 Months I clean my Friendlist and those I haven't heard anything from for at least 3-4 months, I delete them, keeping the communicative ones. Since Communication and interaction with others, may it be in RP, Clubs or whatever realms/sims, is what I'm there for. SL is SL, not myspace/facebook. My2cents, but each may do as each finds best :)

Krissy Muggleston said...

"...I would not approach them for a little flirtings"

This sentence tickles me, it's so cute. (Your English is very good, btw.)

Jules said...

Chestnut:

Amen, sister! I'm so with you here.

So let me level set -- I have a very tall AV in world, and right now I'm actually enjoying latex skin and inflatable boobs (which I know makes Alicia cringe)... but its my SL, and the joy of it is that we can try being something we can't be in RL. I'm enjoying it, and my vampire partner doesn't seem to mind. *grins*

That being said, I take some pride in the fact that I pick good skins, custom modify my hair to get the look I want, shop for outfits that work, look good, and give the look I want..

... but more importantly, I try and be a good person in world and treat people well.

Alicia, I've always been horribly scared of meeting you in world, because you make some really bold comments about AVs, and I just totally expect to end up taken to task on one of the blogs, as I know (particularly now) I'm not conforming to what feels like the increasingly "blogger standard" of what an AV should look like. I'm not sure that's what you intend, but to me it sounds that way.

If someone is a ugly person on the inside, that's what matters in SL. Furry, purple, or latex, I'd like to just get to know people for who they are... and who they want to be in world.

Anonymous, I'm with you... I love the fantasy of it and feel it slipping away slowly, and it makes me sad.

Isn't the ability to be anything part of the point of SL?

Eliza Wrigglesworth said...

I have to agree with Chestnut's comment here. I'll even go so far as to remind your readers of the times you've griefed campers on your land and thought it was funny. Or the time you caught someone afk in a shop, and pushed their head into a wall.

Don't get me wrong here; I like your blog, and think for the most part that you're funny and interesting. The times when you're not though, are kind of disturbing to me.

SophHarlow said...

Wow. What a wretched thing to do...you all come to her blog and say really shitty and hurtful things.

Proud of yourselves? The big difference between what she does on WTF and what you guys did here is...you attacked what counts most..who she is on the inside.

Oh and you used her name. Please step off your soapboxes to go and look at WTF..not one name is mentioned.

Congrats..you should all be ashamed.

Now please...move along...you all make my head spin.

As for you Ali, the beauty you are inside far exceeds anything and everything you could ever be in either world. I am very proud to call you my best friend.
Sophia Harlow

Gahum Riptide said...

Your Avatar is NOT you. It's a goddamn digital doll that runs around a virtual world. I know, people will claim "But this is me!" No, it's not, it's not a real person.

I think this sappy idealistic world some of you think SL should be need to snap out of it and realize, you're being mocked all over. Please, you can protest that you don't make fun of the looks of other avatars, but I would bet money that you've made at least one passing mental thought in judgement of someone's AVATAR'S (key word, AVATAR) looks.

I call bullshit on those of you who run around like like you're absolutely judgement free. Don't give me that shit.

I am also quite tired of this neo-hippie BS about how we should leave our baggage and our judgements behind. You're dealing with real people and humans don't work that way. Humanity ALWAYS judges people and places people in groups. The Egyptians have done it, those popular girls in school do it. Hell, even the Goths who hang out behind the gym do it. SL is not heaven, it is not paradise, it is not utopia. Please, let's drop pretending that is is, could, or should be.

Shattered said...

It's a real shame that people felt the need to bash you here.

1) WTFug is a blog by multiple people. Have a problem with the blog? Why single any particular writer out and insult them? Pretty freakin' hypocritical of you guys, ain't it?

2) How the heck is returning the highly-scripted crap owned by the squatters, and then ejecting them griefing? How is that not a reasonable action for someone who's been in SL for almost a year and is screwing your privately-owned sim up with their objects? Have you even been griefed before, Eliza? Because Alicia's actions were anything but.

3) When did judging someone's personality and attitude, the personality of the real human being behind the avatar, become the same thing as judging an avatar's appearance? Explain to me how having sterotypes about the personalities behind pretty avatars is the same as having a chuckle at WTFug.

Alicia, you do your thing. Don't worry about what these bunch of hypocrites have to say.

To the hypocrites - I've done worse to an AFK av. And I took pictures. Judge away.

Chestnut Rau said...

First and quite importantly, I respect Alicia. She is a wildly successful blogger for very good reasons. I did not intend my comment a a personal attack in any way.

In my comment I pointed out the irony in the post and stated my opinion - which I stand by - that bashing other people's appearance IN A BLOG can hurt. This is as true when people bash conventionally beautiful avatars like Alica as it is when people bash people who like enormous prim boobs.

Sure I have looked at other people and thought to myself "what the hell is she thinking?" Sure I have IMed these thoughts PRIVATELY to my partner. As a general truth I am one of those hippy people who works damn hard not to judge others. Yeah its probably Utopian and ridiculous. It is however, my genuine desire to accept people as they are. I consider those moments where I do judge people on appearance as personal failures. I just don't like to be that way.

We all have to stand behind our words and actions and be responsible for them, whether it is a blog post or a blog comment. Therefore, I want to say Alicia, I certainly did not intend my comment as an attack on you. I shared a rather pointed personal opinion. If in doing so I caused you to be upset I am sincerely sorry.