Friday, December 11, 2009

Day 34 & Jealousy


I've been thinking today about jealousy. I'm not a jealous person by nature. I used to be, back when I was much younger. When I was 17 I broke up with a guy because he merely DREAMED about another girl. I hated if someone was prettier than me [which was everyone], or if I wasn't invited to go somewhere, or if my best friend got close to someone else.

But like I said, I was much younger. By the time you hit 30, you realize that sort of stuff is pretty stupid. Someone will always be prettier, your best friend is your BEST friend for a reason, and at the end of the day, it doesn't matter who your boyfriend talks to or dreams about because he still loves you and you're the one he's with.

I've never been the girl people were jealous about in the physical world. People don't look at me and think "I'm so jealous of her beauty." I don't have a fabulous career, or loads of friends, or a husband, or any kids. Jealousy is simply not that big a part of my life.

So it comes as a surprise in Second Life when I get told frequently that this person or that person is jealous of me. My immediate response is always, "Dear God, why?" Believe me, I was always shocked when someone I was dating in SL was jealous if other guys spoke to me. Someone being jealous of me because of my spins my head. What I do and have done is nothing more than what anyone could do, right? Why be jealous? It makes no sense to me.

The thing about jealousy is that it's draining. It drained me back when I was constantly asking "Who's that bitch?" to my boyfriends or friends. It drains me now wondering if I can talk about things that are good in my life without someone getting their panties in a twist over it. I know that their jealousy is not actually my problem, but at the same time, I feel BAD. It makes me pity them for not being able to realize that behind a nice looking avatar is a person who sits around in pajama pants praying each day that the next phone call from home is not a bad one.

That's my big deep thought for the day. Take it however you wish.

And don't get jealous over this, but tonight is the Winterstock Fashion Show at 7pm SLT. I'll be walking the runway in 3 designs. I'm so so excited for it. :) I've been trying to make sure that each of my outfit folders are JUST right so when I change, I don't mess up. This is my first official show with the SilverStar Modeling Agency and I don't want them to wonder why they signed me on. LOL

I'm sneezing like crazy [I have a small cold.] so I think it's time for more drugs.


Lixena said...

Whoot work it girl on the runway tonight!!!

Anonymous said...

I don't get the whole jealousy thing but it happens. I chose to ignore them and move on. It's really sad that they are that way though. *hugs*

I will try and make it tonight to support you!

<3, xoxo

Emerald Wynn said...

I went through a really immature phase in SL where I looked at some of my AV friends, and they were living fun glamourous AV lives that *I* wanted to be living, and yeah, I felt jealous.

But then I realized the jealousy was coming from a place of self-loathing -- I was disgusted with my shy, antisocial self (in both worlds) and seeing people who were the opposite of me just made me feel all the more dysfunctional.

Since then I've made peace with myself. I've also put SL in a little more perspective. I was living it way too much (for me) back then, I think. I lacked balance.

You love these long navel-gazing comments! But your post is a thought-provoking one.

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