Saturday, July 12, 2008

People Meeting People

I've been seeing and talking to women in SL who are looking for men. No, not the kind of looking that means they are desperate and they have a burning need to get partnered, or even looking for random SLexual hook-ups. They want men to hang out with, to get to know, and to maybe start dating. The women I know are bright, funny, beautiful people, and a lot of them are talented and are perfectly capable of being independent in SL. But as most of us know, sharing SL with someone else is such a good thing. It really brings another level to SL that you weren't even quite aware was missing before.

So where do these women go to meet men? Where is the island of smart, humorous, and at least slightly good looking men? [You don't have to be all the way good looking. Trust me, these ladies can shine you up.]

And if they're looking, doesn't it stand to reason that there are men out there looking for them?

During the first part of Cen's experiment, we got confirmation on something that we already kind of knew. A lot of men in SL are more likely to talk and hit on a girl if she looks bad. Or maybe bad isn't quite the word. But the tall women with the exceedingly huge chests and rear ends with bad clothing choices and body oil seem to get all the guys IMing them. Granted, the IMs are probably not that good. Let's face it, if someone wanders into a club with her butt hanging out of her Business In A Box shorts, a guy looking to hook-up will definitely IM her to give her box some business. A woman who is well dressed, with a good skin, nice hair, and who is proportionate to her height flies right under the radar. Maybe the guys are intimdated, or maybe these women just look like someone who won't hop on a poseball with them right away.

But these aren't the only type of men in SL. I know that they're not.

I spent the first few months of my SL single, and very rarely getting hit on. Sad but true. It's not that I didn't have guy friends. I did and still do, but very rarely was I their type. Nothing against you guys, I promise, since most of you weren't my type either and that's why we could be friends. :) Around March, I started dating a little bit. I will admit that I am extremely picky about most things. In fact, I think I even had a list at some point of what it would take for a guy to actually get me. One night I was out with another guy, someone that I was dating kind of but wasn't really serious about at all, and we were at Sine Wave just checking out dances. Then out of the blue I get this IM from a guy saying that my profile was funny. Who knew that one movie quote would have led to this utterly amazing relationship that I have now with the most wonderful man in SL? And all this from just walking around Sine Wave.

The funny thing is, the women I know who are in SL relationships all met their men in similar fashions. They weren't at clubs or the "traditional" meeting places. They were walking around a store, or exploring a sim, or helping new people out. None of them were looking for anything. It found them.

So here's the question - um, questionS: If you are in a relationship in SL, where did you meet? Do you think if you'd met the same person in a different location in SL that you'd have gotten together? If you're a woman, do you regularly get hit on when you're in world? If you're a man, what makes you decide to talk to a woman? If you find out that the person you're talking to has skills that you may not, does it intimdate you? Do you think being bloggers has affected your relationships? If you are with a blogger, does it change how you are with them?

Discuss. :)

Edit: Although I say men & women here, naturally if you are interested in the same sex, please answer the questions as well because it doesn't just apply to straight relationships and dating. :)


Penn Euler said...

If you are in a relationship in SL, where did you meet?

In a kinky RP place.

Do you think if you'd met the same person in a different location in SL that you'd have gotten together?

Probably not.

If you're a man, what makes you decide to talk to a woman?

Either she's said something funny or interesting as part of a general conversation in open chat, in which case I'll reply in open chat, or if her av gives me instant wood, in which case I'll IM her and say "lol hai plx follow me to suck ball".

If you find out that the person you're talking to has skills that you may not, does it intimdate you?

No, it just makes them more interesting. Definitely.

Do you think being bloggers has affected your relationships?

No, but then again I only just started.

chestnut rau said...

My partner is a woman but since you are talking about relationships not gender I will respond anyway. I met her on twitter not actually in SL. We had seen each other at live music events and had some friends in common. She added me as a twitter contact, we chatted a bit and boom..there you have it.

My avatar is most certainly not like what you describe as the kind that gets hit on. I am on the short side, fairly flat chested, freckled not oily... more like the girl next door than the hooker on the corner. Even since partnered I still get hit on quite a bit. No idea why.

My advice to people looking for relationships is do what you love, get involved in things that interest you and stop trying to meet someone. Be yourself, have fun and you likely will meet someone but even if you don't you will be having a great time anyway.

Tymmerie Thorne said...

I knew I would write a book, Alicia! So I answered on my own blog:
I hope you don't mind -- I pretended that you gave us a new meme!

CeN said...

My answers will also be looooooooong so I'll answer in my blog too if you don't mind.

Nikki Zenovka said...

I have so much I'd like to say on this topic. It's something that will take some thought, and a checking in with Ghilt, before I decide and publish an answer in my own blog.

Nikki Zenovka said...

having spoken to Ghilt, I've now posted my answer to "where did you meet" in my blog

Casandra Shilova said...

I am in a relationship. We met on a beach in during my first successful attempt at camping! I've only done it a few times. He was in the adjoining lounger - friendly, bright, unintentionally funny. He is the first person that I didn't know that I accepted friendship from - a comment about my patriotic swimsuit did it!

I'm blogging now, he doesn't. He doesn't pay attention to SL on the internet. I don't think it will have an affect. I struggle with PhotoShop, while he is a graphic designer comfortable with 2 versions of PS, but it doesn't intimidate me.

I don't think it would have mattered where we met.

I do get hit on, but not regularly. I'm pretty much girl next door material.

I have a couple of good male friends I hang around with too. One I met through a dance group I'm in. One picked me up at an animation store by inviting me to go sailing! The latter is very analytical and has a better vocabulary than I do, which keeps me on my toes and occasionally intimidates me. During conversations, I sometimes look words he uses up online (Merriam-Webster).

Dyami Jameson said...

I ended up answering the questions on my blog as well. Didn't want to take up too much space here.

Bon Berman said...

First off, I think the word relationship needs defining. I know it can have different meaning to everyone.

I am currently seeing someone. We first met at a club but never really talked until I tagged along on a shopping trip with her and her friends. *I really do like going shopping, just not for me. Too many decisions for someone with no clue.*

If we met anywhere would we be together? Hmm...good question. I don't know, I would like to think so, but who is to say she wouldn't have been busy in IM at another location.

What makes me decide to talk to a woman? Well, i will strike up a conversation with near anyone. It could be something on her profile, what she is wearing, or even just her avie looking bored. lol. One thing I do that I know gets me dismissed a lot is I try to compliment people. My compliments aren't meaningless, they are genuine. I won't throw a compliment someone's way for the sake of complimenting. I think people aren't used to receiving compliments and are naturally suspicious there are alternate motives behind them. Most ladies spend lots of times on their avies to make them unique or on their profiles to make them stand out. I think recognizing that is a little thing but it is a nice little thing.

If you find out that the person you're talking to has skills that you may not, does it intimdate you? Not at all. I have a friend that is the most amazing artist. I often go to her gallery and hang out there and talk about what her pictures mean to her. I think it is anything but intimidating.

Do you think being bloggers has affected your relationships? If you are with a blogger, does it change how you are with them?
I don't think blogging has any affect, not in my case. I suppose it may in the case of popular bloggers.

Anonymous said...

I think I would have sparked with my wife anywhere. Having her rent from me kept her close. I swear she would break tings for me to come fix them :)

I am not terribly shy and will say hey to people for the smallest of reasons.

Funny women are smexy.

Zippora Zabelin said...

"If you are in a relationship in SL, where did you meet?"
We met at Allen's Seashore Bluesclub. I was IMing a (n00b) RL-friend and offered tp. She was dancing with someone she'd just met though and I told her to tp him too. We'd barely said hello when she logged of. I spent the rest of the evening dancing and talking with a n00b. That's a year ago now and we're partnered for 6 months :).

He loves my blog, although he had to get used to me sharing thoughts or feelings in my blog that I had not shared with him (yet).

Margo Sciarri said...

So, I met Casius when I was looking for a place to call home with my friend Mamaz... I tp'ed in to Orcas, and there he was! I think he was the only owner we actually met that day. He made us instantly feel at home, and we stayed. The rest is history lol I do agree that it wouldn't have mattered where we met.. the connection is so strong.
I was hit on alot, but when we did the tag thing, and added a nice couple's pic on the profiles, that helped.
As far as being intimidated if the person has skills I don't? Well, Casius is very talented, and knows so much about SL.. I would say it's not intimidation, but awe.

And Casius! I swear you were breaking things just so I had to IM you! <3

♥ JellyBean Madison ♥ said...

We already beat you to it, so here are three parts of our 69 part story on how we met and fell in love:
Part One:
Part Two:
Part Three:

<3 Jell & Hawks